I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
