I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize