i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
