hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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