Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
