What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
