i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
