If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize