the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
