My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
