I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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