All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize