Well douche your snatch and let's go!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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