The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
