based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
