Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
