I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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