Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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