Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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