I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
