White coat. Heels.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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