Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I puked a lego.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
