3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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