Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She announced her abortion via fbk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
