No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
