Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
