YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
