are you still at the devil's house?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
