Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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