Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
