I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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