So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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