He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dear god my vagina.
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