Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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