I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
