Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
