This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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