The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
