He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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