they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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