i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
