loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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