kristin has been a bad kristin
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
