The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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