Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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