Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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