Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
