Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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