my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
