i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
