I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
