so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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