Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
