put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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