went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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