she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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