Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
