can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
