It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
