i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
