This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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