i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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