Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
