She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
