that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
