the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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