I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
40s are totally the cure
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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