I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
