They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
