when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize