a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
