I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
