I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
