i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
