i just had sex bonerless
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
