I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
