Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
