pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
