I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
