I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
