I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
