you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
