Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
