I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
