I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
