Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
