He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
