my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
