Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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