i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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