great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
