He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
