I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I need moral support for this bender
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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