hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize