My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
