there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
