Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize