If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
