When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I stole a fireplace last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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