I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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