I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
