Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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