If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
