I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
