Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
