I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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